Interesting Article by Adam Khoo

I came across an article written by Adam Khoo about his wife’s upbringing of the kids. Quite inspiring. He shared that it is important to teach children to be appreciative and be grateful for all the little things that others do for them and not takes things for granted. Well, my girl is cared for, to a certain extent, by my domestic helper and there were times where I caught her screaming at the maid when she can’t get her way. A behavior that I personally do not like.


Interesting read that set me thinking if I should start planning what kind of values do I want to inculcate in my little one and how I would like her to be brought up…

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Mummy Makes a Difference!
May 3, 2011 | By Adam In Learning,My Life | Comments(8)

I am really proud of how well my children are growing up and would like to share with my friends some of the things that have made me smile recently. My daughter has been noticing the books I have written over the years and stares curiously as I type up the manuscript for my next book (due out in 2 months). “How come you can write so many books?” she asked. I said, ‘You can write books to if you want!”

Ever since then, she has been taking A4 paper and writing her own very very very short books (4 pages) with pictures that illustrate her story. Of course, what she writes is not original. Basically, she is plagiarizing ideas from the many children’s books she has read (e.g. Snow White, Little Red Riding Hood etc…). She mixes and meshes the stories together. She may or may not become a writer in the future, but it makes me proud to see her having a passion for something and taking action towards. It is this attitude that I have always wished for my children.

However, what makes me the most proud is not their intellectual development but their character development. They have grown up to be extremely caring, loving, appreciative and polite children. Whatever my wife serves for dinner, they would say, ‘thank you mummy for cooking dinner for us’. They thank her and thank me for fetching them around, buying things for them and cooking for them.

Every few days, they would draw cards for us telling us how much they love us and thanking us for what we do for them. This are some of the cards and paintings they have made for me.



I was very touched when my eldest daughter Kelly drew a card for my maid to thank her and to say ‘I love you’ to her. She had tears in her eyes when my daughter hugged her and gave her the card. This is the card my daughter made for our maid ‘Jagung’.


My two kids have also become very independent and self-disciplined. Whenever they come home from school, they will start to finish their homework automatically without being told. Before dinner, they will help to setup the utensils and the carry the food. After dinner, they will carry their plates back to the kitchen.

However, I must point out that all these attitudes and behaviours did not happen by chance. It is the result of their mother spending countless hours to guide them and shaping their character. I am really lucky to have a wife like her. It is not uncommon nowadays to see children and teens acting in a selfish and ungrateful manner. Some of them take their parents love for granted, even shouting back at them at times. One of my friend’s wife was recently diagnosed with kidney failure. She had to stop work and has been resting at home for the last 3 months. The sad thing is that her teenage children have not volunteered to help their mother at all. Even though the oldest son can drive, he is too busy with his hobbies to fetch his mother for dialysis treatment. The poor old women has to take a bus by herself. They would rather spend the time going out with their friends and even resent the fact that they get less pocket money now that mum can no longer work.

It is not uncommon to see some children and teens acting in a selfish manner and taking the things they have for granted. While we often blame them, my wife believes that their parents have just as much to blame as well. Respectful, grateful and kind children do not come about my accident. It is up the parents to teach them good values and to shape their behaviours from the time they are young- when they are easily moulded. Children may not always listen to what we say, but they will always learn by observing our behaviours. I also believe that our children learn to treat us by observing the way we treat OUR OWN parents. If we shout at our parents, disrespect them and don’t bother to visit them, our children will do the same things to US when we grow old. It is a kind of ‘Karma’ that comes full circle.

” There is no such thing as a bad student. Only bad teacher”- Mr. Miyagi (from the Karate Kid Movie)

Let me share some of the things that my wife has done over the years to mould my children’s character and to teach them the right values.

1) Teaching Respect for Elders
Many mums will serve their children the first piece of cake on their birthday. They believe that this is the way to show their love. We believe that by serving the first piece of cake to the kid, it may be cultivating the wrong values and mindsets. By treating the child like a ‘prince’ or ‘princess’, they will grow up thinking that the world owes them a living and think only of themselves, and not for others.
In our family, we teach our children to serve cake to all the elders first before eating their share.

2) Teaching them Gratitude
Many parents complain that their children are ungrateful. That no matter what they do for their kids, their kids only complain. What my wife and I believe is that we need to teach them to be grateful. We teach our children to thank their teachers, the maids, their grandparents and their parents (us). When I am away working overseas, my wife will tell them how I must work to earn the money to pay for the house, their school fees and their food. Every time I come home, I get a big hug from them. They then say ‘thank you for working for us.’

We also use the Internet as a resource to show them and teach them how the millions of children in poor countries are suffering without food, shelter and a proper family. We then tell them how lucky they are to have a chance to live in Singapore and be able to go to school. THis is why my kids never complain about going to school or doing homework.

3) Teaching them Self-Discipline
Whenever my kids come home from school, mum will always ask them to check the homework they have and to finish it as soon as possible without delay. When they make mistakes on tests, she will go through each one with them to make sure they learn from it. After her ‘coaching’, they have now formed the habit of doing it themselves.

If my own mother was like my wife, then I would never have got kicked out of school in primary three and never have become the lazy, unmotivated underachiever that I was in the past. That is why I think my kids are so lucky to have a full time mum. It does make a big difference. Then again, if I was a disciplined, motivated child to begin with, maybe I could not have become such a success story and have written by book ‘I Am Gifted, So Are You!’ So I guess everything happens for a reason.

4) Teaching them Responsibility and Self-Confidence
Although we have maids in my house, my wife tells my children to set the table and help to carry dishes from the kitchen to the dining table. When they are finished, they carry their plates to the sink. If they spill something on the floor, they are the ones to clean it up and not the maids. When we go out, they carry their own water bottles and bags. Our maids do not do it. This may seem to some like cruel child labour, but we believe that it teaches them to be independent and responsible. It also builds in them the self confidence that they can do things themselves. The best part is that they find it fun to do!

If you are a parent of young children yourself, I do hope you find my sharings useful.

http://www.adam-khoo.com/

PREPARING FOR BABY - WHAT TO PACK FOR HOSPITAL BAG

The following are what I packed for my hospital bag. I would suggest you get it ready 3 weeks before your Expected Due Date.

For Mummy
- Bra / Panties / Disposable panties.
- Socks
- Toiletries (toothbrush, toothpaste, moisturiser)
- Hair band / hair clip
- Face towel
- 1 set of clothes for going home.
- Books / magazines
- Cardigan
- Handphone charger

For Baby
- 1 set of baby clothes
- 1 set of mittens and booties
- Receiving blanket, preferably those with hood to cover baby's head.
- 1-2 disposable diapers in case he/she poo poo along the way home.
- Baby wipes.

For Daddy
- Jacket
- Camera / Video Camera
- Charger for Camera / Video Camera
- Snacks
- Coins for buying drinks from vending machine
- 1-2 bottles of essence of chicken

For admission
- Pre-admission document
- Doctor's letter
- NRIC (for mummy & daddy)
- Deposit / credit card
- If you are storing your baby's cord, delivery kit for Cordlife or Stemcord.

Tips :
Remember to contact your confinement lady when you are in hospital. This is to give her sufficient prep time and to arrange for when she should be arriving at your place.

You may receive gift hampers from friends or relatives when you are in hospital. Consider bringing the gift hampers home the day before discharge. On the day of discharge, you will be carrying the newborn while your hubby takes care of administrative matters relating to discharge. This will avoid a situation where you carry too many things on the day you discharge.

PREPARING FOR BABY – THINGS TO BUY - SLEEPING [PART 5]

• Baby Cot
[This is probably one of the more expensive items in your buying list. A new cot could easily set u back by $300 - $500. Look out for one that is of reasonable size so that the baby can sleep in the cot till 2 years old.

A cot whose height can be adjusted from high to medium to low is a good choice because as baby starts to learn to stand up with support, you will need to lower the height of cot. However, such cot are hard to come by.

• Mattress
[Yes. You have to get one that fits your cot. ]

• Baby Pillow & Bolster, Bedsheet, Pillow / Bolster Cover, Bedding Sets ( 2 sets)

• Comforter
[No comments. If your baby is likely to sleep in aircon room, then you may want to consider getting comforter. ]

• Sleeping bag
[I think this is not necessary. ]

• Playpen
[You can buy this after the baby is born. Not an urgent purchase if you are on tight budget.

Playpen are generally quite similar, so get one that can fit the decor of your house and of reasonable size.

One suggestion. The mattress for the playpen tends to be waterproof & not washable, so after a while, the playpen mattress tend to get kinda dirty. To manage that, I bought a separate mattress cover to overlay the playpen mattress, so that I can wash the cover regularly in order to keep the playpen area clean for my baby.]

• Organiser
[Not necessary.]

• Diaper Stacker
[Not necessary. You can keep the diapers in your drawer or shelf. ]

• Changing table
[If you intend to buy a play pen, it'll usually come with a changing compartment. Alternatively, you can actually change your baby on the baby cot. Just lay a waterproof sheet. So personally, I would not waste money on a changing table.]

• Waterproof sheet
[Not necessary. ]

• Mosquito Net & Stand
[Not necessary. ]

• Bouncer
[Not a necessity but a good-to-have as you can feed your baby using a bouncer. ]

• Electric Cradle
[Not necessary. ]

• Spring Cot & Net
[Not necessary. ]


SLEEPING

My suggestion.

1. Consider getting night light. This would be useful as babies wake up several times in the middle of the night. Night light would enable the caretaker to take care of the baby without switching on the lights. I got mine from neighbourhood shops and it cost less than $3.

2. On storage of baby clothes, go for chest of drawers as baby clothes are usually folded, instead of hanging it up in closets. Ikea has a good range of drawers at affordable prices (I got mine (chest of 5 drawers) for $99). I personally went for Ikea because I intend to re-do up my daughter's room in a few years time.

PREPARING FOR BABY – THINGS TO BUY - BABYCARE [PART 4]

BABY CARE

• Baby Shampoo
• Baby bath

[I bought those 2-in-1 baby bath and shampoo type. I know of parents who prefer organic shampoo/bath. Depends on you. And whatever you prefer, do get shampoo/bath ready before baby arrives.]

• Bath towel
[Yes, do get this ready before baby arrives. Get 2 pieces so that you can alternate. Try to avoid towels thatare too big/thick as it takes longer to dry and harder to manage.]



• Face towel
[Yes, do get 1 face towel].

• Baby blanket
[Yes. You might want to use a receiving blanket when you bring baby home upon discharge from hospita].

• Bath mat
[No. I dun think this is necessary].

• Baby powder
[Yes. Recent trend has been going towards liquid talc powder which you may want to consider.]

• Baby power puff case
[Depends on what types of powder you use. ]

• Bath sponge
[I didn't use this as I set aside a small face towel solely for her shower use.]

• Bath tub
[Yes. You dun need a fanciful one, like odd shape, anti-slip base, etc. A simple one will be good enough].

• Cloth detergent
[Yes].

• Cotton swabs/buds
[Yes. Just get a packet. Clean only the outer part of her ears. Do not stick the cotton bud into her ears].

• Lotion / oil
[Can hold back this purchase. Not really necessary.].

• Nail scissors
[Yes but not a necessity. If you are careful, an adult nail clipper can do the job].

• Nose cleaner
[Yes. I got both types (see picture below) and found the one with tube much easier and more effective to use.].



• Safety pin
[Not really necessary unless you intend to use cloth diaper].

• Brush & comb set
[Depends but not urgent. Some babies do not have much hair at birth anyway].



Other items that you may want to consider is "Ru Yi" oil. This is to be applied on baby's stomach to prevent "wind". It is useful especially in the first few months. Can consider getting a medium to large bottle.

PREPARING FOR BABY – THINGS TO BUY -BREASTFEEDING [PART 3]

BREASTFEEDING

• Breast pump
[Yes, you will need this if you are a working mum. There are two main types, manual and electric pump. I am using both Avent manual pump and electric Medela pump.

Started off with Avent manual pump and it worked well until I got lazy washing it each time after expressing. (I was expressing 4-5 times a day). So I got the electric ones so that I can space out the washing which, to me, was really tedious.

I personally prefer the electric pump as it was easier to wash, and it drains my milk better. However, do note that if you intend to bring the electric one out, the nursing room will need to be equipped with powerpoint. Further, electric pump is pricier than manual ones.

Do also consider getting a "fridge-to-go" bag with ice pack for you to transport your milk from office to home if you intend to continue breastfeeding after going back to workforce..]



• Feeding pillow
[Not a necessity unless you have the money to splurge.]



• Nipple cream
[Can consider getting one but get a small tube will do.]

• Prenatal heart listener
[Dun waste money on this]

• 3-6 breastmilk storage bags
[Storage bags are used to freeze extra milk for future consumption. Depending on whether you have excess milk to freeze. You won't know until you are in confinement. As such, I would suggest you hold back on this purchase first. If you really have a lot of extra milk, then you can consider buying storage bags. Note that for normal fridge, frozen milk can last no more than 6 months. ]




• Stretch mark cream
[Yes. You should start using stretch mark cream when you are preggie. After delivery, consider getting post-natal stretch mark cream if your budget permits.]

• Washable nursing pad
[Yes. I found this useful. In the first few months, milk may start to "leak" after a few hours. Using a nursing pad helps to avoid a situation where you soil your bra. Also, when you nurse ur baby/express your milk, the other side might start to leak. Get about 8 washable nursing pads.

Forget about disposable ones and washable pads are more value-for-money over time. But remember to handwash them. No machine spin. ]

• Milk collection shell / Nipple shells
[I personally didn't use this, so I can't comment.]

PREPARING FOR BABY – THINGS TO BUY - EVERYDAY STUFF [PART 2]

EVERYDAY

• Steam steriliser
[There are 3 ways to sterilise baby bottles. (i) Using traditional way of boiling water, (ii) using steam steriliser (iii) using sterilising tablets. I personally uses steam steriliser and found it to be very useful. A reasonable one should cost between S$50 to S$100.


The metal plate for heating do get "rusty" after a while, so do remember to clean the steriliser regularly, either using lemon or vinegar. I personally do it once a month to keep the metal plate squeaky clean. You should be able to find info on how to go about cleaning the steriliser in the user guide]

I bought a 3-in-1 steriliser from Pigeon (see picture above). On hindsight, I would have bought the bottle steriliser only, if it is cheaper coz I realised that I have not actually used the food / bottle warmer at all. It's such a waste of money to pay for features that I do not use.


• Steriliser tablets
[I feel that this is not necesssary unless you are travelling overseas.]

• Liquid cleanser
[Yes. This is important. Do get a large pump bottle, and refill it regularly using refillable packets.]

• Bottle tongs
[I bought tongs but ended up not using it. I usually wash my hands clean before touching the sterilised bottles. So this is up to you]



• Brush for Washing Bottles
[Yes. This is important. Trying not to use brush with bristles as it may scratch the inside of bottles. Over time, bacteria may grow. Instead, go for sponge brush. No need to get it at baby dept as it tends to be a lot pricier. Check out some of the neighbourhood shops. They should have this.]

• Small Brush for Washing Teats
[Yes. This is important. Please remember to remove the teats from the bottle cap whenever you wash the bottles.]




• Feeding bottle
[Yes. Definitely you'll need this unless you intend to nurse your baby directly. Do get a few bottles. I would suggest at least 4-5 bottles.

Am personally using glass bottles as I have read about plastic ones which may be harmful for babies unless it is bisphenol-free. I intend to switch to plastic (bisphenol free ones when my baby can hold her own bottles). So do consider the pros and cons before deciding whether plastic or glass ones suits you better.]

• Teats
[Yes. Do get a few of these. I would suggest 4-5 if possible]

• 2 Small Tubs for Washing Bottles
[I also bought a small tub for washing bottles as I do not like the idea of placing bottles and teats in the sink. Each tub cost $2-$3. But I am just being KS, so this is entirely up to you. ]

• Fever cool plaster
[Can consider buying one box. (One box should contain 2-3 plasters). I'll use this when baby comes home from vaccination and fever is starting to run. You will want to consider putting the fever cool plaster in the fridge before using]

• Food warmer
[Not necessary.]

• Milk bottle dryer
[Not necessary. Dun waste money on this]

• Milk bottle container
[Yes, if you intend to feed baby powder milk. This is useful when you bring baby out]

• Baby napkin
[Not necessary unless you intend to use cloth diapers.]

• Nappy liners
[Not necessary unless you intend to use cloth diapers]

• Nappy rash cream
[Yes. You will need this.]

• Pacifier
[Not necessary unless your baby has the habit of using pacifier]

• Cotton wool / balls
[Yes. I uses cotton ball to clean my baby's butt when she poo-poo. Prepare a small container for holding water. ]

• Baby wipes
[Yes. This is necessary. Do also get some in travel size, so that you can use it when you bring baby out.]

• Diaper
[Yes. Hospital will usually give you the remaining diapers when you are discharged. It also depends on the size of your baby. I would recommend you get 1 packet of Pampers diapers for Newborn and another packet of Small size diapers. Some babies outgrow Newborn size diapers quite quickly. I personally like Petpet brand as it is cheap and good]




• Thermometer
[Yes. This is important when your baby starts vaccination. Some jabs cause fever. As such, you will need to monitor your baby's temperature closely.

I started off using Pigeon thermometer coz it was cheap. (<$10). But as it takes 2-3 minutes to take my baby's temperature, I gave up after a while coz my baby hardly sits still. I ended up purchasing a Braun thermometer. Takes only 2 seconds via her ear. Cost me more than S$100 but so far, no regret.]


Last but not least, for some woman, their milk supply do not come until the third or fourth day. While waiting for the supply to come, it was really stressful when baby cries for milk and there's none. As such, even if you decide to breastfeed, do consider purchasing a small can of milk powder for contingency, in case your supply comes in only on the 4th day onwards. An unopened can could last a while but once opened, it should be consumed within 30 days.

PREPARING FOR BABY – TIPS FOR NEW MUMMIES-TO-BE [PART 1]

I had my family reunion last weekend and was chatting with my sister-in-law who is 4 months pregnant. Talking to her reminded me of the time when I myself was preggie. There are so many things to do in preparation for the little one.

Frankly, being a first time mummy, I was at a loss of what I should and things to buy.... Despite asking around for tips from friends, colleagues and my dear sister, I still ended up, purchasing many stuff that weren't really necessary on hindsight.

Hmmm... thought i'll share some of my personal experiences / tips for the new mummies-to-be...:-

FIRST TRIMESTER
1. Keep all your killer heels. Invest in a few pairs of good & comfortable flats/pumps. But don’t buy too many pumps in the first trimester as your feets are likely to swell towards the later stages of your pregnancy.



2. As your milk duct is starting to develop from the time you are expecting, avoid underwire bras. Consider getting nursing bra (instead of maternity bras). I personally would suggest that you skip maternity bra since you could continue using nursing bra after childbirth.

3. Buy a few bra extension hooks. (You can find cheap ones in places like This Fashion which cost no more than $3). This will be useful as your bra size will gradually increase from this stage onwards.



4. Start using stretchmark cream to avoid getting ugly stretchmarks. One good brand is Galenic. Look out for periodic discount, like 2 tubes for the price of one at Guardian or Robinsons.

5. Avoid eating peanuts as some foetus may be allergic to peanuts. You should also start taking calcium tablets or folic acid. Your doctor would advise you on this.

6. Decide if you would want to store your baby’s cord-blood. Check out Cordlife, StemCord or public cord bank. Keep a lookout for promotion/roadshows and sign up when a good deal comes along, from second trimester onwards.


SECOND TRIMESTER

7. By this stage, baby is more stable and tummy is starting to show, as such, you could be starting to look for maternity clothes. Instead of buying maternity clothes, consider getting larger size clothes as maternity wears are generally more expensive. Further, you may still be able to wear the larger size clothes after giving birth.

8. Your second trimester could be easiest stage as morning sickness may not be as bad now, and you are generally not that tired. I would strongly advise that if you can, plan your buying list and purchase what you would need during this stage. Don’t push it to the third trimester as you would most likely be tired and suffering from backaches and swollen feet in your third trimester.

9. If any of your relatives/friends intend to pass you hand-me-down, try to get it from them during your second trimester so that you can plan your buying list.

10. Think about your arrangement for confinement. If need be, arrange for confinement lady during this stage.

THIRD TRIMESTER
11. Consider signing up for prenatal courses to prep you on what to expect and what to do/not to do. Do so in the start of the third trimester. If you start the course too early, you might forget what you have learnt when you come to the end of your pregnancy.

12. Some woman start eating on tonics, like ginseng and bird nest from the start of the third trimester.



13. Drink coconut juice (maybe like once a week) 2-3 weeks before your Expected Due Date.

14. You may want to get ready tonics (e.g. cordyceps, ginseng, wine) for confinement in the middle of third trimester. For stuff like dried longan, wolfberries, red dates, etc, which are quite easily available, you can get it when you have delivered. This will also ensure that the freshness of these items.

15. Where possible, do your pre-hospital admission in advance so that you would not h4ve to complete administrative forms when you are in labour.

16. Pack your hospital bag 3 weeks before EDD. (I am really kiasu, i know).

17. Remember to wash hand-me-down baby clothes 3-4 weeks before EDD.

18. Last and most importantly, rest as much as possible, because your sleepless nights would start when your baby arrives.

Which is the best CDA account?

I gave birth to my baby girl in mid 2009 and had to decide which bank to open my Child Development Account (CDA)* with.






In Singapore, there are only 2 banks that offer CDA accounts, OCBC and Standard Chartered Bank. I did a quick comparison between the benefits provided by the two banks and came to realize that they are actually pretty similar.


To share, the following are some of the factors which I had deliberated upon.

Interest Rate on CDA Account:
- Both banks give interest of 1% [ No vote to either one]

Branches / ATMs :
- OCBC certainly has more branches and ATM than StanChart, given that it is a local banking outfit.
[To me, this factor is not important because I will not be able to withdraw cash from the CDA account anyway. Depositing cash into the account is only on very periodic basis. No vote to either one]

Exclusive Merchant Offers:
- Both banks have tie-up with selected merchants to offer discounts.
[None of the merchant discounts caught my eyes. Furthermore, I did not foresee that I will be making use of the offers as baby will mostly likely be at home in the first 6 months. So the offers are not really important to me yet. No vote to either one as well].

Free Insurance:
- StanChart offers free insurance for the parents & child. It gives S$25k in personal accident plan if maximum contribution is not reached and S$50k if maximum contribution is reached. It also provides free hospitalization cash if child is hospitalized due to Hand, Foot, Mouth Disease, up to 365 days.

- OCBC have similar free insurance, offering S$20k for death & TPD if there is contribution to the CDA account.
[One vote goes to StanChart for higher insurance coverage].

Additional Interest on Account
- OCBC offers CDA Time Deposit with minimum deposit of S$5k, for 12 months period at 1.2%.
- StanChart offer 1% p.a. for a second account for your child or family, in addition to your CDA.

[This is an important factor to me. Normal savings rate at local banks is only about 0.125%. For every $10,000 that I deposit into this designated StanChart Family account, I’ll earn an extra $87.50 per year. (Multiply that by how much you intend to maintain in the Family Account).

I would rather use the extra cash from StanChart to buy diapers for my baby than to have it deposited in local banks for the paltry 0.125% .What’s more is that there is no minimum amount to maintain the account and no tie-down period, so the funds are liquid in case I need the cash for emergency or for investment purpose.

As such, another vote goes to StanChart].

Other Perks
- StanChart also offers cash back on purchases where new card members can enjoy 20% cash back on all your retail spending for the first 2 months when you sign up for a StanChart Platinum card by 31 Dec 09.

[Those who are currently not holding StanChart card may want to consider this favorably. However, this is not important to me as I already have a SCB card and therefore, this promotion is not applicable to me.]


FINAL VERDICT
Overall, the choice is clear - Standard Chartered, notwithstanding that the interest rates might change over time.

Despite the fact that some of my friends commented that SCB’s customer service is quite bad. To me, it does not really matter as I won’t be using the counter service or telephone service frequently anyway. This is but a debit card which I’ll only be able to use rather sparingly.